ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL

Q: What kind of cats love the water?A: Octo-Pussies.
Q: Who is the dogs favourite comedian? A: Growlcho Marx.
Q: What's a porcupine's favorite food? A: Prickled onions.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A: A zebra with a drumkit.
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?A: To get to the Shell garage.
Q: What were the only creatures not to go into the Ark in pairs? A: The Maggots, they went in an apple.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was the chickens day off.
Q: What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?A: Hot cross bunnies.
Q: What do you give a sick pig? A: Oinkment!

A GAGGLE OF GHOSTLY GAGS

Q: How can you tell if a ghost is flat?A: Use a spirit level!
Q: Why are ghosts such poor magicians?A: You can see right through their tricks!
Q: Where does vampires keep their savings? A: In the blood bank!
Q: What's a ghost's favourite airline? A: British Scareways!
Q: What kind of ghosts do they have in hospital? A: Surgical Spirits!
Q: Who speaks on behalf of the Ghosts Union? A: Their Spooksperson!
Q: What's a ghost's favourite food?A: I-Scream!
Q: Did you hear about the love sick vampire? A: He became a Neck-romancer!
Q: Where do ghosts go on holiday? A: The Isle of Fright!
Q: What do you call a ghost who haunts the town hall?A: A night mayor!

THE WORLD'S GREATEST IDIOTS

Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.
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An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running. A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died. Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,"I think I'm planting them too deep."
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Q: How do you confuse an idiot? A: Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.
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Did you here about the idiot who won the 'Tour De France'? He did a lap of Honour!
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Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?He fell in the sink!