7 Reasons Not To Mess With A Child

1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl said, When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah. The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hellThe little girl replied, Then you ask him.

2) A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.The girl replied, I'm drawing God. The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, They will in a minute.

3) A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.After explaining the commandment to honour thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sistersWithout missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, Thou shall not kill.

4) One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, Why are some of your hairs white, MomHer mother replied, Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white.

5) The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'A small voice at the back of the room rang out, And there's the teacher, She's dead.

6) A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.. Yes, the class said.Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feetA little fellow shouted,Cause your feet ain't empty.

7) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray Take only ONE. God is watching.Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.A child had written a note, Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

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THE GAME IS OVER

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME WILL BE OVER"

Little Johnny again

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip
to their local police station where they saw pictures
tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted
criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if
it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very
badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you
took his picture?"

Innocence

The family strolled along the beach at low tide; a beautiful day, and they were all happy to be alive. Suddenly, little Mary, 6, found an old lamp. She picked it up and rubbbed it. A genie popped out and granted them one wish apiece.

Mom said, "I want the best for us all; give me a million bucks a week, tax free." The genie granted the wish.

Pop said "I want to be head of the company. I've earned it!" The genie made him Head Honcho.
The child said, "My neighbor's cat scratches me when I pick it up. I want it killed."

Little Johnny

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached sheheard:"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two.""Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four.""Three and three... "His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math.Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next dayshe stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. LittleJohnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doingmath, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand whyLittle Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh,I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which istwo

Little Manu Jokes

Teacher: Why are you late?Manu: Because of the sign.Teacher: What sign?Manu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
Teacher: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?Manu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"Teacher: No, that's wrongManu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Teacher: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.Manu: Me!
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"Manu: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?Manu: Brotherly love.
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?Manu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?Manu: A teacher

THE SUBSTITUTE TEACHER

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!" She yells, "Whose Jimmy Poole?" This kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Jimmy Poole." "Well, Jimmy, your staying after school!"The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard and written on it, it says, "PAYS to ADVERTISE."