OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Does the management know their staff

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, How much do yo earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir.

Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months salary. now GET OUT and don't come back".

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company". He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came , "He was the pizza delivery man,

Sir...!!!"

Source : Atlantic Law

Job Titles

In line with our constitution and to eliminate discrimination in our society, the following titles will now be used for these jobs:

Garden Boy - Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

House Maid - Family Environs Upkeep Manager

Typist - Printed Document Handler

Messenger - Business Communications Conveyer

Window Cleaner - A Transparent Wall Technician

Tea Boy - Refreshments Overseer

Garbage Collector - Public Sanitation Technicians

Watchman - Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or Wealth Distribution Prevention Officer

Prostitute - Practical Sexual Relations Demonstrator

Thief - Wealth Distribution Officer

Receptionist - Office Access Control Specialist

Cook - Food Preparation Officer

Office Orderly - Office Administration Facilitator

Cleaner - Office Hygiene Control Specialist

Japanese management lecture

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.

"You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"

The Englishman spoke first."Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men.

""That can be arranged," said the terrorist.

The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."

The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management.

"The terrorist turned finally to the American."What is your last request?"

The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I don't have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!"

STOPPING BY THE OFFICE ONE DAY

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

THE YOUNG BUSINESSMAN

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."