7 Reasons Not To Mess With A Child

1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl said, When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah. The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hellThe little girl replied, Then you ask him.

2) A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.The girl replied, I'm drawing God. The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, They will in a minute.

3) A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.After explaining the commandment to honour thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sistersWithout missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, Thou shall not kill.

4) One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, Why are some of your hairs white, MomHer mother replied, Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white.

5) The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'A small voice at the back of the room rang out, And there's the teacher, She's dead.

6) A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.. Yes, the class said.Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feetA little fellow shouted,Cause your feet ain't empty.

7) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray Take only ONE. God is watching.Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.A child had written a note, Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

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JOKE OF THE MONTH

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."
The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.
The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in thechair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.
Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, thistime killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how youcan still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.
Nahh" said the bloke,
"I'm just a really bad conductor"