Present For Husband

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Smart Wife

Letter from husband ( who is abroad) to wife

Dear Sweetheart:


I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart


Your husband
Allen



============ =========


His wife replied back after some days to her husband:


Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses Instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items....... ....
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!


Your Sweet Heart

Poems written by Husband to Wife

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.

******

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

******

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

******

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful then
why doesn't it rain on you?

******

Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.
******

Specially for Married Men

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say; talk in your sleep.

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Three years of Marriage

First Year
The man speaks and the woman listens.

Second Year
The woman speaks and the man listens.

Third Year
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Husbands Performance Joke

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says ''My husband works as a marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.''
The second woman says, ''My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that.''
The third woman just shakes her head and says, ''My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it.''

"Smelly Couple"

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."