Bosses First

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. " and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ."

21st Century Beggars

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs.10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7.50

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."

A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.

"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"

"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."

Reason for not visiting Five Star Hotel

Question : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: " tea please "

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"

Answer: "white"

Question: " Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "

Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "

Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"

Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: " Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: " I'll rather die of thirst

BEST SALESMAN OF THE YEAR

An Indian moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.

The manager asks, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The Indian says, 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home'.

Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?'

'Of course,' the young man said. His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down. 'How many sales did you make today?

The Indian says, 'One'

The manager groans, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales/day.

How much was the sale for?'

The Indian says, '$101, 237.64.'

The manager exclaims, 'What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?'

The Indian replied, 'First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero.'

The manager says 'You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!'

The Indian says, 'No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing!!'

The manager fainted...

Business Maths

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit

Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy

INFOSYSism : You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.

WIPROism : GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

DELLism : Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk.

IBMism : You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

MICROSOFTism : You have a cow . Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

INTELism : Microsoft makes horse shoes. You nail them to your cows & wonder why they don't run fast.

SUNism : You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

ORACLEism : You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

SAPism : You don't have a cow . You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

APPLEism : You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

SONYism : You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world's thinnest milk.

CITIBANKism : Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow , press 1. If you have a bull, press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.

HPism : You don't know if what you have is a cow . You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

GEism : You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.

RELIANCEism : You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

TATAism : You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.