Stupid Optician

A Man having eyesight problem visited to Optician.

Man : "Sir, i am having some problem with my eyesight since 2 days"
Optician : "Ok, tell me the problem"

Man : "I am seeing everything double double"
Optician : "Ok, relax, this is not such a big issue, just tell me that why
you Four people came for it."

Mental Hospital

Raj and Ramesh were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Raj suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Ramesh promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Raj out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Ramesh's heroic act, He immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as He now considered her to be mentally stable.

When He went to tell Ramesh the news He said, 'Ramesh, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Raj, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.

I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Ramesh replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?'

Grandpa's Marriage

An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up . The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy," and that's why I'm in such good shape." I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "Have a glass of vino, and all is well." "Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?" " Who said my Dad's dead?" The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?" "He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that's why he's still alive ... he's Italian and he's a golfer too." "Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?" " Who said my grandpa's dead?" Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?" "He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" "No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today." At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?" " Who said he wanted to?"

WILL IT HURT MUCH, DOCTOR?

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?" The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain." "I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks. "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..." "Like this?""A little more..." "Like this?" "No. A little more..." "Like this?" "Yes. Does that hurt?""A little bit.""Now stretch it over your head!"